Just Call Me Big Mac For Short

For years parents in Sweden weren't allowed to give their children unusual names, like Burger King, Budweiser, or Motörhead, but now they can. The Swedish tax authorities, who for some reason have final say in naming newborns, have relented. "There is nothing negative about a name like Coca-Cola or McDonald's today. In the 1970s, maybe it was," says spokesperson Lars Tegenfeldt, who from now on will be known as Taco Bell Mountain Dew Jaggermeister AC/DC Tegenfeldt.

What Am I, Chopped J-Lo Liver?

Jennifer Lopez was on Good Morning America yesterday to talk about training for the Malibu Triathlon. After the segment, she was overheard saying she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer." You know, Michael "Got Another Medal I Can Win?" Phelps. After all, she went on, she's the one training for a triathlon six months after giving birth and "that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer'." Yeah. What she said.

Pot, Meet Kettle

Addressing the fighting in Georgia, American President Pot told Russian President Kettle on Friday that "Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century." He wisely waited until he was out of reporters' earshot before bursting out in laughter.

Let's Play Clueless

Hasbro has updated the classic game, Clue. For starters, the characters have been given first names and bios. Miss Scarlet is an actress named Kasandra, Mr. Green is Jacob (and now African-American), and both Colonel Mustard and Professor Plum have been demoted to plain old Jack and Victor. Poor guys. Not only that, each character now has a special power to help them discover clues quicker. Don't bother guessing that someone did it with the lead pipe, revolver, or wrench, they're history. Nowadays murders are done with dumbbells, trophies, and poison. Oh, and it can happen in the theater, spa, or guest house now. Somehow "Kasandra in the hot tub with the New Age crystals" just doesn't have the right ring.

Oh, Is That What Our City Looks Like?

The city council of Birmingham, England, sent 720,000 pamphlets to city residents thanking them for doing so well with their recycling. In big red letters it said "Thank You Birmingham!" splashed across the city's skyline. Okay, some city's skyline. It turns out they used a photo of Birmingham, Alabama, by mistake. You'd think they'd know better since it's not the first time this mix-up has happened. This past January three lawmakers who represent Birmingham—the English one—used a photo of the U.S. counterpart on their website. And just the other day the mayor asked the residents of nearby West Bromwich how they liked living in Mississippi.

Size Doesn't Matter. Height Does.

If you're an engineer you might want to move to Poland. They could use you. A train tunnel that was recently completed in Warsaw, Poland, turned out to be too short for trains to fit in it. This follows on the heels of a truck bypass tunnel which was too low the trucks to fit in and the plans the Polish road authority made public in which two sections of major highway would have missed each other by five miles, each coming to its own dead end. Feel free to insert your favorite '70s Polack joke here: __________________.

The Virtual Olympics

You know the girl who captured everyone's heart when she sang Ode to the Motherland during the opening ceremony of the Olympics? It turns out she was lip syncing. Authorities who attended rehearsals and saw the 7-year-old girl whose voice was actually heard thought she wasn't cute enough to be on camera. Next, Chinese officials admitted that some of the fireworks TV viewers saw during the opening ceremony were actually computer generated graphics and previously shot footage which they used to augment the real thing. The next thing you know we'll find out the badminton matches are being played using a Wii instead of rackets, Michael Phelps hasn't actually been in the water at all and is really Fab Morvan of Milli Vanilli, and the games are being held on a movie lot in Burbank.

Don't Believe Everything You Can't See

According to findings to be released later this week in the journals Science and Nature, scientists at the University of California, Berkeley, have created metamaterials that bend light around three-dimensional objects, making them invisible. The research was funded in part by the U.S. Army Research Office, the National Science Foundation's Nano-Scale Science and Engineering Center, the International Brotherhood of Magicians, and the American Optometry Association.

Shocking Statistics

In case you thought electroshock therapy went the way of Randle McMurphy and Nurse Ratched, be warned that it's making a comeback. According to the National Mental Health Association, the number of people who underwent electroconvulsive therapy last year tripled to 100,000 a year. Of that, 127 weren't do-it-yourselfers who said, "Don't worry honey, I don't need to turn off the circuit breaker."

6.6 Degrees of Separation

A Microsoft researcher found that the famous six degrees of separation is pretty darned on target. By sorting through the records of 30 billion electronic conversations among 180 million people they found that on average any two people are separated by 6.6 degrees. That means the researchers had the pleasure of reading 1,667 conversations per person. Was this mentioned in Microsoft Messenger's privacy policy?

...And Deliver Us From High Gas Prices

Darrell Alexander, Midwest co-chair of the Pray at the Pump movement, held two prayer services at St. Louis gas stations on Monday asking God to lower fuel prices. As if he doesn't have enough other things to worry about. On Thursday though, the average national gas price fell to $3.90. Meanwhile, Exxon reported it earned $11.7 billion (yes, that's billion with a "B") in the second quarter, the highest quarterly operating profit in U.S. corporate history. Coincidentally, the other spots in the top ten list of quarterly earnings are also taken by Exxon. Sounds like Pray at the Pump was at the wrong gas station.